That Awkward Moment When... No, Really, Writers Don't Have Free Stuff To Just Give You

Today I had the day from hell at work, but that's neither here nor there, really. The topping on the cake was when a self-represented opposing party - a man who's stooped to such dirty levels to get an edge in his case that I can barely stand to even be in the same room with him because I keep getting this icky feeling in his presence - demanded a free and signed copy of my book.

I've always - despite him yelling at me in the face, while accusing me of rudeness - treated him with as much courtesy as I could manage. So naturally if he had purchased a copy of the book, I would have signed it for him. But this was over the top.

We were in the elevator, my client waiting for me in another part of the courthouse as this man and I returned from an errand, and he made his "request". I literally stared at him in utter disbelief, and said that, no, I wasn't going to give him a free, signed copy of his book.

He literally chased me down the hall, insisting that he didn't have enough money to purchase a copy of my book, that he was a big fan of science fiction and fantasy and that he was sure I was going to be really rich one day, and he'd be able to say he "knew me when".

I told him that I wouldn't get rich giving away free copies of my books to opposing parties.

He told me that it wouldn't cost me anything, anyway, so why was I being so meeeeeeeeeeeeeean?

Uh, yeah, actually it costs me money to purchase copies of my books. Less money than it costs everyone else, but REAL. ACTUAL. MONEY. Not even taking into account the money I don't make when someone doesn't buy my book.

"What, you don't get free copies for friends and family?"

"No, sir, I don't."

And even if I did, he is neither.

I think that's got to be a square on Writer's Bingo that I can now mark off. Does Writer's Bingo exist? It should.